Watching the first actions of the Trump Administration is to see a bully in full-on action. By gutting DEI initiatives, attacking the independence of the Justice Department, attempting to freeze federal grants, his heartless attacks on immigrants, and all the rest, Trump shows exactly how a bully operates. He threatens. He demands his way. He targets the most vulnerable.
A bully counts on us to hide, back down, and look to the ground so they will pick on someone else and not come after us. And every bully has enablers, the ‘yes men’ who have figured out that they stay safe and get the bully’s protection if they go along with them. Trump’s bullying playbook, straight out of the schoolyard, would be the material of ridicule if it weren’t for the life-threatening impact his actions have.
And of course, Trump’s enablers are those tech men who stood behind him during his inauguration. They see financial advantage and they fear the march toward equality that dares call them out for past and present injustices. They profit from and hope to secure their own protection from Trump by standing by him. They count on our fear and our silence. The sad part is that any seven-year-old kid can recognize these tricks.
Here’s what we should remember about bullies: they use domination because, ultimately, they are afraid. The work of so many activists like us to advance gender equality, to demand a world where everyone regardless of ethnicity, sexual orientation, and gender identity has equal opportunities, to question harmful ideas about masculinity and the abuse by some powerful men over others, threatens the very social order in which Trump and his yes men can bully others and thrive.
Equimundo’s research tells us that most men want to stand up to bullies and protect the more vulnerable but are afraid to do so. Why? Because they fear they’ll be the next target or that their manhood will be called into question. Our research shows that the most common weapon a bully uses to quiet those who would question them is to deride their manhood, use a homophobic slur, or threaten them. Sound familiar?
Trump’s bullying playbook, straight out of the schoolyard, would be the material of ridicule if it weren’t for the life-threatening impact his actions have.
Our research also finds that nearly all boys and young men experience bullying some time in their lives – at school, in their neighborhoods, on a sports team, or at work – but we also know that most are opposed to it. And there’s the rub. With so many men having lived experience of bullying, why would a majority of men (and no shortage of women) in the US vote for a man who is so clearly the ultimate bully?
It all comes back to fear, at least in part. Many young and adult men are experiencing an avalanche of uncertainty – about their economic futures and their roles in society. Lots of Americans of all genders and ethnicities are. Fear is contagious and bullies know how to manipulate it to bring others who live in fear to their side.
What can we do with a bully in the White House? Not give an inch. We have to keep communicating loudly and clearly that Trump’s actions won’t help the millions of men desperate to find a job or the families struggling to make ends meet. We have to ignore the distracting provocations – and there will be many – and look to the long game. Our research and long experience teaches us that bullies thrive in front of a passive audience. We have to work together to cut through the noise and show all those who enabled Trump by their vote what lies beneath the script that he uses – and take action.
And we need this: to hold up what caring manhood looks like. To remember that most men don’t find their strength in threatening others. We must hold up a manhood that is defined by standing up for what is right, not by the version that Trump and his enablers represent.
At Equimundo, that is the path we will continue to take.
